he wants to bone in the snuggie
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
