So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
