Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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