is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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