I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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