the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
