Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize