I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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