i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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