dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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