some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
