I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
