We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
