just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
