Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
