I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
