Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize