Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
