Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
