i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
