She is in my trunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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