The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
