Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize