His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
