I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
