Having a random hookup so left but love u
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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