She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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