i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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