I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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