My friends, they love my intelligence
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
