I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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