i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
