I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
