Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
