My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
