According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
