Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
