Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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