I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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