I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
