My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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