smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
