these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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