You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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