3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize