Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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