Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
