he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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