i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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