Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We are two peas in an std pod
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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