I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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