think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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