You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
