??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
