I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
