just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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