one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
