I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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