what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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