Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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