Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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