1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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