Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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