Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
