you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
