think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
