We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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