nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
40s are totally the cure
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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