You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
