I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
