dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
